Losing an infant to
sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is devastating.
The grief can be overwhelming for parents, other family members and caregivers,
and other people who were close to the baby.
Parents' common reactions
Common reactions to the death of a baby can include:
Guilt. You may think that your baby's death was
your fault. You may also feel as if other family members or your friends and
neighbors blame you for your baby's death. It will take time to realize and
accept that there was nothing you could have done to prevent or cause your
baby's death.
Having a strong need to protect the surviving
children.
Feeling as if your insides are "tied in knots" or feeling
your heart literally aching. Your arms may ache to hold your baby. Nearly all
parents, especially mothers, feel this. It takes time to accept the reality of
a baby's death.
Finding yourself preparing the baby's food or
thinking you hear the baby crying.
Strong feelings one way or the
other about reminders of your baby.
Some parents want to talk about their baby
all the time; others want to avoid any mention of the baby.
Some
parents want to keep the baby's clothes, toys, and nursery just as they were
before the death; others give away the clothes, toys, and nursery items as soon
as possible.
Confusion over having another baby. Friends and
relatives (and sometimes health professionals) may advise parents who have lost
a baby to SIDS to have another baby right away. There are various opinions on
this subject. Consider discussing this issue with your health professional or a
counselor.
Siblings' reactions
Children perceive death differently than adults, depending on their
age and their level of emotional development. In general, many children have
nightmares, start bed-wetting, show anger, perform poorly in school, cry
excessively, have blackout spells, or refuse to speak. In addition, some
children:
Believe that they caused the death because they
felt jealous of the baby.
Develop an irrational fear of dying or
have distorted ideas about the concept of death.
Can accept the
fact that their baby brother or sister is no longer with them without requiring
much explanation.
Develop fears concerning their own safety. This
can be because the parents are overprotective after the death of the
baby.
Sense that their parents have become distant or are
idealizing the dead child. The children may react to this lack of attention in
different ways, including misbehavior.
Tell your children as much about the baby's death as they are able
to understand. Allow them to tell you their thoughts and ask questions about
the death. Help children understand that difficult feelings are natural parts
of the grieving process and will lessen over time.
Reassess your children's feelings periodically. Brothers and
sisters may not begin to show their grief until early adulthood.
This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information. For more information, click here.
