Be prepared for a variety of reactions from your older child when a
newborn joins your family. It is normal for an older child to feel jealous and
displaced when you have another baby. The older sibling may go back to
thumb-sucking, abandon potty training, or display other similar behaviors.
These acts are unconscious efforts to take attention away from the newborn and
focus it back on themselves.
Plan for and respond to sibling rivalry before your baby is born
by:
- Preparing older siblings early in the pregnancy
by talking to them about the new baby. The most important tool in helping older
siblings adjust is to acknowledge their crucial role in the family. For
example, you might say, "You are sister's only big brother. You can help us
teach her about life. That's very special."
- Visiting your local
library or bookstore. There are many excellent books for siblings about having
a new baby in the home.
- Asking your child's opinion when getting
ready for baby, such as decorating the baby's room.
- Realizing that
sibling rivalry often intensifies after the baby is past the newborn stage,
when your older child realizes the permanence of routine and lifestyle
changes.
Once your baby is born, try some of the following suggestions:
- Give your older child tasks to do for the baby.
The tasks can be adapted to fit the older child's abilities, such as bringing
diapers, letting him or her choose the baby's clothing, feeding the baby,
helping get the baby dressed, and holding the baby or pushing the carriage.
- Praise your child for helping with the baby.
- Plan
time alone with your older child. This can help him or her to have something to
look forward to when your attention is focused on the
baby.
- Reassure the older child that your love for the baby will not
replace the love you have for him or her.
- Prepare your older child
for being out of the limelight. "When we go to the party, your baby brother
will get a lot of attention. That's because people love babies, not because
they don't like you."
- Give your older child extra attention when
the baby is being fawned over. Also, ask close friends or relatives to give the
older child extra attention in these situations.
In time and given the right encouragement, your older child will
learn how to deal with his or her feelings toward a new baby sister or brother,
to share, to feel responsible for other family members, and to get along with
others.
